I am, once more in an airport. To say that I am tired is putting it mildly. The ride to the airport was smooth and thankfully, incident free (for a change), the spring sun lighting  up forests and waterways as we went. I won’t go into the animals I spotted along the way, only to point out that possibly the biggest deer I’ve ever seen in the wild popped out at one stage with huge antlers… no amount of fumbling with my phone could get the camera app to launch and by the time I did… all I could see was a solar farm and my deer was gone!

By the time I was in the queue for security all semblance of calmness had evaporated and the three women in front of me the reason. Now I love travelling, really love it, I’ll pretty much go anywhere and enjoy the journey. But stupidity, not so much.

So let me paint a picture. I’m tired, physically, mentally and honestly at this stage, after a weekend long gasshuku emotionally drained. I’m usually pretty chilled so when the  nice airport security lady directs me to a really short queue, all I can feel is joy. I was already smelling my food.

In front of me, three women, huge bags, the sort that are not easily going to fit into an overhead locker, at least 2 jackets each, and handbags, more handbags than women… figure that out.

The guy operating the x-ray machine didn’t even miss a beat. He just pointed and many Danish words followed. I couldn’t really understand what was going on but tray after tray was produced and the huge bags were opened. Make-up, deodorant, shower gels, hair sprays… and other stuff that I am sure I’ve never had a need to buy… The guy in charge of keeping everyone moving  produces a small bag and more Danish words follow. The tone from (actually quite cute security guard) is like that to a young child, it was clearly not lost on these women who were getting pretty pissed off.

Everyone surely knows that you have to get everything into one small clear bag… no? Cases are opened on the belt and more and more stuff comes out of pockets and zipped areas. One of the three produces a shopping bag full of ‘stuff’. The security guard starts to laugh, doesn’t even look into the bag and points to a huge bin behind them. If you ever want to see pure horror threaten to throw all of a women’s make up away in one go.

Queue three women starting to go into a complete meltdown, their vocals at the end of sentences reaching pitches that only dogs can hear… unfortunately their sentences were very long.

I have a simple process, toiletries bag, iPad,  cloths bag onto the belt and through the x-ray machine. I watched as the 3  women made multiple attempts to get through, watches were removed, Vaseline tins came out of trousers, stilettos came off and still I waited.  The red light went off every time one of them went through the metal detector and with each light their body language became more despondent and difficult. My bags disappeared through the scanner and yet my way was blocked by these women and their antics. Belts came off, money was taken out of pockets and finally they made it through… bereft of their cosmetics but through.

I started to compile my belongings and they disappeared off into the airport, stilettos clicking along the floor.

Do not squander time, it’s the stuff life is made of

A few hours later I am in the holding area to board my flight for Gatwick and I hear them. Chattering away in rapid fire Danish. They were slightly ahead of me in the queue dragging their huge bags behind them. Now I’ve seen a tactic that they employ in Copenhagen airport, they basically set a trap on the apron and watch people heading to the aircraft where they swoop on passengers about to board and get them to put their cases in the hold. I scooted behind a huge guy, head down and made a beeline for the steps. The women… not so lucky… out comes… (cute) security guy and their bags are tagged and put in the hold… I might be wrong… but I think I saw him smile as he did so…

They hit the booze as soon as they got on the flight, 2 rows in front of me. They weren’t quiet then either… as they drank to what I can only guess was the demise of their make up collections.